


love left out, gone to vinegar

by ecchymoz



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: deserves nothing but love and warmth, my goddamn daughter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2019-04-06 05:53:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14050353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ecchymoz/pseuds/ecchymoz
Summary: Azula aching for recognition and her mother's love.





	love left out, gone to vinegar

**Author's Note:**

> a character study on azula i started immediately after watching the show for the 1st time, but never fleshed out like i was supposed to. i figured it could still be read as it was.
> 
> title from dessa's the crow: "anger is just love left out, gone to vinegar"

 

 _Azula always lies._  
(She was lied to, first.)

 

*

 

"I love you, Zuko," their mother says. "Good night, Azula."

For a long, long time Azula thinks I love you and good night mean the same thing.

 

*

 

They give her dolls and skipping ropes, pretty ribbons for her hair and new dresses. They tell her to learn cartwheels in the gardens while her brother practices his bending. She needs to keep quiet because he needs to focus.

They give Zuko daggers and attention.

 

*

 

She is a girl, and Zuko is not.

She's young but she is smart. She knows boys aren't supposed to cry; boys fight and boys have power. Boys are loved by their mother.

She stops crying and she starts fighting and maybe someday she will have power, too.

Mother's love, she is more doubtful about.

 

*

 

She is the second child and Zuko is the first.

She is stronger. She runs and fights and moves better than Zuko. She masters the blue flames while Zuko can barely stand on his feet without tripping. She listens in on Zuko’s lessons, and where it takes him weeks to learn, she gets it right within hours. She knows hundreds of dates and their nation's entire history by heart, but Zuko doesn't even know their great grandfather's name.

Zuko is the first.

 

*

 

Azula runs faster than all of the other children and crosses the finish line in first place at the school festival. When she turns back towards Mother and Zuko to see their smile,

there's no one.

Their seats are empty, two holes in the middle of the crowd laughing at her.

 

*

 

Father's seat is not empty; he looks at her and nods once. It's more praise than she knows how to deal with.

 

*

 

It doesn't take a genius to understand Mother doesn't like her. It takes longer to understand the whispers in the hallway and the servants' pity.

 _Prince Ozai had an affair_ , she hears when she's 10 and hidden behind the kitchen's door. They're filling the new cook in. _Everyone knows Azula is not Mistress Ursa's daughter._

She makes them pay.

*

 

Ursa leaves and Zuko loses his crutch. He's unbalanced, like one of his legs was suddenly pulled from under him. For weeks afterwards they ask him if he's okay, if he needs anything. He pushes everyone away and locks himself in his room.

Ursa leaves two children behind, but Azula knows to count herself out. 

 

*

 

She breaks, and breaks, and breaks. Ursa appears in the mirror and Azula isn't even sure she's hallucinating; not until Ursa says _I love you._

 

*


End file.
